16 things only a farmer’s wife can understand

By Melisa Morgan

  1. You know you will be thrown into single motherhood for months on end when the conditions are right.
  2. You will not be having babies in April, May, June, August, September or October.
  3. You will have unusual encounters, like when your toddler brings you an ear of corn, and you know it shouldn’t be yellow in April.
  4. You know a field is ready to harvest by biting the grain,
    and you know that weird smell in the air is corn pollinating.
  5. Your ”futures” do not involve horoscopes and psychics.
  6. Your top Web hits are The Weather Channel, Country Futures, Machinery Trader, TractorHouse or YouTube videos of farming.
  7. The word “auction” makes you cringe.
  8. Your husband says he has an appointment in the morning, and you know he is going to the USDA office, not the doctor.
  9. You wash your car not because it is dirty but because we need the rain.
  10. You always RSVP as a “maybe” to every event or social gathering because plans are not made; they just happen, and you’re ready to drop your plans at a moment’s notice because “something came up at the farm.”
  11. You treat a rainy day as a holiday or spend it planning your next spray rotation, seed selection or harvest.
  12. You find random things in your husband’s laundry, such as chalk pens, nuts, bolts, screws, drill bits, tiny screwdrivers, or lighters — and he doesn’t even smoke.
  13. Your yard maintenance is or has been done by a farm implement.
  14. You know about the latest farming techniques and are always privy to new legislation affecting the farming industry.
  15. You are aware that prices in the store are going up before they actually do due to your own costs.
  16. You keep your work boots right beside your high heels, so you’re ready at a moment’s notice.

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